One of the most memorable events from my time in Mississippi was meeting Rea’s Aunt Elise…
Aunt Elise: “Have y’all evah seen an arm-a-dilla?”
Me: “No, not in real life.”
Aunt Elise: “Oh god, but if they aren’t the ugliest creatures! When I see ’em on my property I shoot ’em. Ah’ve shot twenty-four arm-a-dillas so far.”
Me: “Wow, twenty-four?!”
Aunt Elise: “Uh-huh. Once I even shot a mama and a daddy arm-a-dilla on the same day, and some lady asked me how I knew that they were a mama ‘n daddy and I said, ‘I looked at their junk, how the hell else would I know?’ Ah’ve gotta say that the only thing uglier than an arm-a-dilla is an arm-a-dilla’s private parts!”
Aunt Elise: “Once I took a shot at an armadilla who was hiding in a bush, and I shot its tail right off! A few days later I checked my traps, I set out traps to catch the armadillas that don’t get close enough for me to shoot, and guess what I found in there? An armadilla with no tail! Can y’all believe that? That armadilla was dumb enough to come back to my property after I shot its tail plumb off!”
I told Aunt Elise that I’ve been writing her armadillo stories, and she was so thrilled.
Aunt Elise: “Oh ah’ve got a ton of armadilla stories…”
Uncle Jack: “She sure does hate them armadillas…sure does…”
Aunt Elise: “Well they get in my yard and dig and dig and DIG! Ah wouldn’t be surprised at all if some uh dem holes went clear to CHINA!”
Me: “She told me that she’s killed 24 armadillos.”
Uncle Jack laughed: “24 huh? I’d say it’s more like well into the 50’s. She thinks that she’s scared ’em all off, like they spread word to their kin to stay away from that crazy lady’s place, but oh no…I’d be willing to bet that she’s just killed ’em all off.”
Aunt Elise: “Oh no, there’s more of ’em out there and I’ma gunna get ’em…”
AUNT ELISE VS THE ARMADILLA
The Button Chronicles... 