Aunt J (ie; God + Gram and Gramps) vs. Gays

You will need to refer back to a previous blog titled, “The Gayest Valentine’s Day Ever!! Literally” for better context.


Dear Whitney,

I haven’t heard from you so I am getting concerned.

You continue to be in my prayers daily. You are such a pretty and talented girl, Whitney.

Because I love you, your life is important to me, as well as it is most important to God, Grandma and Grandpa.

I have been studying the book of Romans and wanted to share Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”. I have memorized that scripture and with Jesus’ help apply it to my own life.

I love you,

Aunt J


Hi Aunt J,

I have not responded, because I don’t even know where to start. Obviously, I never “came out” to you, because I knew that you would not approve, and honestly I was afraid of losing you, and of losing Dad, and unfortunately it would seem as though I have already lost you both. Just like that.

My sexuality would actually be enough to make you no longer consider me a part of your family, and I think that that is absolutely disgraceful, to tell you the truth. I am still the same person. I still have the same heart. My sexuality does not change one thing about the person that I am, nor the person that God created me to be.

Dad told me that you have already looked into disinheriting me, and I just want you to know that I couldn’t care LESS about your money. What I care about is to be loved. To be loved by the people who God entrusted to be my family. What I care about is being loved for who I am, regardless of (what you would consider) my faults. I love all of my family, regardless of their faults, because there is not one of us who is without fault.

There are so many things that I can say, but the only thing that I really want to say to you is this:

If you are going to say that you love me, then you need to love me for who I am. Your “love” should not be conditional on who you would prefer me to be. I love you, Aunt J. I love you even though we disagree on this issue. I love you even though we would be likely to disagree on every single issue that I can possibly think of. You are my family, and I will always love you because I am extremely loyal to my friends and family. I love you because I do believe that Grandma and Grandpa would want for us to love and to be loving to each other. If you are going to say that you love me, then you need to love me in the way that God instructed us to love one another:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 – “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

I would love to have a close relationship with you, Aunt J, but the only way that that will ever be possible is if we can simply agree to disagree. I am not trying to change your mind on this issue, because I know that that is not possible, just as I know that it is not possible for you to change my mind either. I am in a loving, committed relationship with an extremely loving and compassionate woman, and I will be marrying her sometime in the near future.

Dad and I are working on rebuilding our relationship, and I would love it if you and I could do the same. But I am not interested in arguing about this topic, and if that is all that you continue to be interested in then it will be impossible for us to move forward.

The ball is in your court.



P.S – The reason that I got fired up enough (and brave enough) to write to you tonight, is because of the recent scandal involving World Vision. The following is what I recently posted on my Facebook page regarding this issue:

There are some “Christians” who are actually proud of themselves for withdrawing their sponsorship to dying children, because they feel so strongly that gay Christians should not be allowed to work for World Vision. Really people? REALLY?? Do you REALLY think that this is what God would want you to do? Do you really think that a loving God would desire for innocent children punished for these petty theological disagreements? COME ON PEOPLE!! WAKE UP AND LOOK AT HOW SHAMEFUL AND DISGRACEFUL YOUR MORAL HIGH-GROUND LOOKS TO A STARVING CHILD! This makes me so sick to my stomach that I can hardly stand it.

I posted a link to the following article as well:

When Evangelicals Turn Against Children to Spite Me


My Dear Whitney,

I can’t begin to tell you how saddened I am.

You have not lost either your Dad or me. You have unfortunately turned your back on us. I do not think you consider us to be a part of your family and, yes, that is disgraceful. God did not create you to be Gay. He created you to love Him and the truths in his word and with his help to live by them.

You have changed, Whitney. The Whitney I knew never would have done anything to hurt Grandma or Grandpa who loved you and did so much for you. If they were here today they would do everything they could to help you reject a lifestyle that God calls an abomination.

You need to re-read 1 Cor. 13:4-8. The Gay lifestyle is not kind and it does dishonor others and it is easily angered and it does not rejoice in the truth. It does fail!.

Because I love you Whitney and believe in Jesus as my Lord and Saviour I must always do as He teaches “Love that which is God, Abhor that which is evil.” The Gay lifestyle is evil.

Yes, it is important that we always love each other and keep in touch. I too do not want to argue. We need only to look to God’s word. Please read Romans 1:26-27 and I Cor. 6:9-11. Our thinking must always be based on what He thinks by the teachings in His word.

Right now your Dad, Uncle R and I are broken hearted but we will always continue to pray that you will turn away from a lifestyle that is not pleasing to God.

The ball is in your court.

Always look to Jesus.

I Love you,

Aunt J


Aunt J,

Please do not contact me again until you can be loving. I do not deserve to be treated in this way, and I will not tolerate it.

I do not accept you speaking on behalf of Grandma and Grandpa. You speak for yourself and no one else. I had a close relationship between Grandma and Grandpa that you know nothing about. They loved me with their whole hearts and nothing would, or ever will change that.

And you also DO NOT speak for God. I have a relationship with God that you know nothing about.

So from now on, if and when you speak to me, remember that you are speaking for YOURSELF and NO ONE else.

– Whitney


The Impromtu Family Reunion at Subway.

1979680_10152227791645862_1644103267_nMom and I ran into my Dad at the Subway on Cook Road yesterday.  We had stopped there for dinner on the way to a play in Bellingham, and while we were eating, low and behold, in walks Dave Button!
Mom gave him the other half of her sandwich, but she complained about it later when she didn’t have anything to snack on.  Dad tried to steal half of my sandwich as well, but I called him out on it as he was trying to shove it in his pocket.
Me:  “What if Mom and I weren’t here tonight?  Would you have starved?”
Dad:  “No, I would’ve taken a bite of someone else’s sandwich…”
Me:  “That’s not even funny, because you probably would!”
Dad:  “You wouldn’t believe how much food people waste!  I’m just doing my part to help the environment.”
Of course I also teased him about his hair hat that makes him look like he has doll hair on the top of his head.  I asked him why he even bought such a hideous hat, and he said, “What do you mean, ‘why’?  I’m losing my hair and I have a snaggle tooth.  When you get to be my age and start losing your teeth and your hair, then you will understand.  The top of my head gets cold!”
Me:  “First of all, most women don’t get bald spots on top of their heads, and even if I ever do, I still would never wear a hat with doll-hair on it!  I would wear my Seahawks beanie to cover my bald spot, and to keep my head warm, and where is your Seahawks beanie by the way?  I would also purchase dentures that fit my mouth; if and when I begin to lose my teeth.  I wouldn’t be like George Washington and carve a new tooth out of wood.”
As if on cue, Dad took his partial denture out of his mouth at the table, in order to remove a piece of lettuce.  With one of his front teeth missing out of his mouth he said, “I don’t wear dentures; I wear a partial and it fits my mouth fine…”
Mom and I cracked up.
Me:  “Dad, you just said yourself that you have a ‘snaggle-tooth’ and the one tooth that is a snaggle-tooth, is the only tooth in your mouth that isn’t real.  It’s bigger than your other teeth!  Did you get it in Mexico or something?  Did you steal it off of a horse?”
Dad, still missing one of his front teeth, replied, “Jeesh!  We’ve got a feisty one here tonight, Margaret…”
Mom:  “You have to be careful with what you say to Whitney, because everything you say can and will be used against you on her blog.”
Dad:  “I’ve seen some of the blogs that she’s written about you, and they’re not very flattering.  They’re not all true, are they…?”
Mom grinned sheepishly:  “Well…yes.”
Dad laughed:  “I guess you can’t blame her for writing about it then, huh?”
Mom shrugged and smiled.
Me:  “Mom you secretly love it.  I’ve practically made you famous!”
Mom:  “Yeah, famous for farting.”
Dad:  “Ladies don’t pass gas.  You don’t really pass gas that much, do you Margaret.?”
Again Mom grinned sheepishly:  “Well…yes.”
Dad and I cracked up.
When I showed Mom and Dad the pictures on my phone, Mom said, “Oh god, why didn’t you tell me how awful my hair looked!”
Dad said, “My hair looks GREAT!”
Me:  “Dad, seriously?  It looks like Davy Crocket made a coonskin cap out of possum roadkill, and now you are proudly displaying it on top of your head.”
Dad:  “My customers love it!  They say that it gives me character.”
Me:  “Dad, you ARE a Character!  You don’t need anything to give you MORE character.”
Dad:  “Well that’s about the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!”
Me:  “Do your cats get frightened when they see you wearing your hair-hat?  They might think that you will make a hat out of them next…”
Dad:  “Have you met our new cat, Sammy?  She’s so cute!”
Me:  “You mean the one that you make me talk to over the phone?  The one that you spayed twice?”
Mom:  “You spayed her twice?!  How in the world did that happen?!”
Dad:  “Well I didn’t do it on purpose.  We adopted her, and we didn’t know that she was already spayed, so she ended up getting spay-ded twice.  Poor little thing.  She was so upset about it.”
Me:  “Of course she was upset!  She got spay-ded twice!  How would you feel if you got spay-ded twice, huh?  Never mind, don’t answer that question…”
Dad:  “Since I am a male I would have gotten neutered, and I wouldn’t have enjoyed it one bit!  You should be glad I wasn’t neutered, because where would you be right now if I had been neutered, huh?”
Me:  “…and that’s the part of the conversation that I was hoping to avoid.”
Dad:  “You should be nice to your Mom and I, because without us, where would you be…?  Also, don’t forget that you still break the record for being the youngest person to ever float down the river.  How old was she, Margaret?”
Mom:  “6 weeks.”
Dad:  “Wow, 6 weeks old.  How did you grow up so fast, Whit?”
Me:  “It’s amazing that I grew up at all, considering that you dangled me over the side of the raft when I was 6 weeks old, just like how the Crocodile Hunter dangled his baby over a giant crocodile and made everyone get all up in an uproar!”
Dad:  “I never dangled you over the side of the raft, and I sure as heck never dangled you over a crocodile!  I held you in one of those backpacks on my chest, and everyone just couldn’t believe how cute you were!  Margaret, do you remember when you were pregnant with Whitney and we all got hit by a semi truck…?”
Mom:  “How could I ever forget that?  My water broke just a few days later and I almost lost her!”
Me:  “Dad, I heard that after the crash, you got out of the Checker and your shoulder was obviously dislocated, and even though Mom kept asking you if you were okay, you just kept insisting that you were just fine.  Then you walked a couple of steps and fainted right into the ditch.”
Dad:  “I never fainted; I’m a man!  Besides, I don’t remember fainting…”
Me:  “Of course you don’t remember it; you were passed out!”
Dad:  “Well if I remember right, the semi truck had actually crashed into the side of the Checker, and parked itself on top of my mother-in-law’s feet.  You would pass out too if you saw your mother-in-law stuck under a semi truck!”
Me:  “I’m sure that you’re right about that.”
In the end, it was a very sweet little visit, and it was nice to see my Mom and Dad together and enjoying each others company.  I have absolutely no photos of the 3 of us together, and now (thanks to one of the Subway employees who was nice enough to snap a few pics for us) I have a photo that sums the 3 of us up pretty perfectly:
Dad giving the ‘thumbs up’ in his crazy hat with doll hair sticking out of the top.  Mom sporting a sweet smile while proudly wearing her Native sweatshirt.  And me, standing between the two of them, looking a little bit like both of them, with a smile that says, “I still don’t understand how the 2 of these people ever got together and made a baby, but they did, and now that I’m a (somewhat normal) grownup I get to tease the crap out of both of them, and it’s glorious!”
And that, my friends, is called Sweet Revenge…
(Go ahead and try dangling me over the side of the raft now, Dave Button!)

Capital Hill Block Party 2013 – Seattle, WA

Scenes from Seattle’s Capital Hill Block Party – Part One:

540731_10151736487085862_1859951303_nMe:  “I can definitely tell that we’re not in Portland anymore…”

Rea:  “Yeah?   How’s that?”

Me:  “Well, first of all I haven’t smelled patchouli once, and the only hippie I’ve seen so far was wearing a gold chain!”

Rea:   “Not to mention all of the folks walking around eating hot dogs and sausages like they don’t even care that they’re eating something that once had a face.”

Me:  “I knew that Seattle style would be different than Portland, but I didn’t realize that there’d be so many yuppies.  Most of these kids look like they’ve stepped out of a Vampire Weekend video.”

Rea:   “What’s Vampire Weekend?  Like Twilight?”

Me:  “No, they’re a band who dress like rich kids who play tennis.”

Rea:   “Oh okay, all I know is that I’m trying to look cool at a 20-something block party.”

Me:  “Are you kidding? You’re cool just for being here.  Plus you’re wearing your Tom Cruise/Risky Business sunglasses, and also…you’re gay, and on Capital Hill that makes you one of the cool kids.”

Rea:  “Good to know.”


Scenes from Seattle’s Capital Hill Block Party – Part 2


Me:  “Ooh we have to go see this band called ‘Gaytheist‘ at 7:30!”

Rea:   “Why?”

Me:  “Because they’re called ‘GAYTHEIST’.”

Rea:  “Oh, of course that’s why.”

Later, as we were crammed behind the bar at the extremely loud Gaytheist show…

Gaytheist Lead Singer (GLS):  “This next song is about shitting off of a mountaintop.”

Rea:  “I bet this one’s gonna be a ballad.”

Me:   “Doesn’t the drummer look like Paul Bunyan had a love child with Axl Rose and then it turns out that they’re first cousins with Hulk Hogan?”

Rea:   “Actually, he does! He looks exactly like that!”

GLS:  “This next song is about an old guy…”

Me:   “…this will be a ballad for sure, Rea!”

GLS:  “…who kills people.”

Me:  “Okay, maybe not.”

Rea:  “At least they all look like they’re middle aged.  They’re like a middle aged, Portland heavy metal band.”

Me: “Of course that’s your favorite thing about them.”


970611_10151736523215862_524737299_n(1)Only in Seattle can you witness at least 3 babies being conceived within a sea of acid wash jeans, triple belly-button piercings, Abercrombie cargo shorts, high-waisted Levi cutoffs (cutoff just short of the vajay-jay) and horizontal striped tshirts; all while grinding to a band called “Purity Ring“.


Capital Hill Block Party – Part 3:

Me:  “There is one beach ball being tossed around this whole crowd and it’s already hit me in the back of the head twice.”

Rea:  “It’s called crowd beach-ball surfing.  Apparently you’re not into it.  I’ve gotta say that if I ever decided to crowd surf, I’d hope that you weren’t in the crowd.   I’d be like, ‘Whitney! Catch me!!’ and you’d be all ‘Wha…?’ and I’d splatter on the cement in front of you, and you’d take a picture and put it on Facebook.”

Me:  “Pickwick’s on the stage!  Look! I see Kory!!”

Rea:   “The beach-ball just about hit you in the head again. I blocked it…”


3638_10151736679265862_1199496920_nApparently it’s cool in Seattle to fashion a hat with your Grandma’s old furniture upholstery?



Dollar Store Pregnancy Tests.

Rea:  “You know what I saw at the Dollar Store when I went to buy Whitney a night light so that she’ll stop missing the step on her way to the bathroom?  (It only took me until the third night in our new home to miss the step leading out of our bedroom – worst place for a step EVER!! – and fall flat on my face in the middle of the night.  I scared poor Rea half to death because I slammed the door as I was falling, and in her sleepy delirium she imagined finding me on the ground with bones sticking out if my skin.  Thankfully I just hurt my left foot a little bit, and since I have a sore right knee it all balances out nicely, making me a well-rounded Gimp.)

Rose:  “Oh god, what’d you find…?”

Rea:  “A pregnancy test.  At the Dollar Store.  I mean, is it just me or does that not seem like a very reliable source of information in regards to a possible pregnancy?”

Me:  “A real pregnancy test costs what, like 15 bucks? Well, if you bought like 15 Dollar Store pregnancy tests then you could just average out the results…”

Rose:  “I want Rea to be the one who walks into the Dollar Store to buy 15 pregnancy tests.”

Rea:  “Oh I’m sure it happens all the time.  It just feels like a discount if you’re buying it at the Dollar Store even though you’d have to still pay $15 to get an accurate assessment.  Like 9 out of 15 pregnancy tests came back positive so I guess it’s official; I’m knocked up…”

Rose:  “Yeah, I get that part, but how many LESBIANS buy 15 pregnancy tests at the Dollar Store?”

Rea:  “I’m sure it’s more than you think.”

Me:  “If you added a Priest and a Nun to that equation it’d make for a pretty great joke.  Like…a Priest, a Nun and a Lesbian walk into the Dollar Store to buy a pregnancy test…”

Rose:  “It’d make perfect sense if they sold condoms there as well.  Like a ‘buy 3 condoms, get 3 pregnancy tests free’ sort of deal.”

Rea:  “Maybe we should suggest that to them!”

Me:  “Oh I doubt that the Dollar Store is ever going to give anything away for free, since they’re already practically giving their merchandise away, but I appreciate your logic.”

Rose:  “Yeah, but they’d have to buy at least 7 pregnancy tests to get a majority rules assessment…”

Rea:  “Yeah, so they’d still be making a profit.”

Me:  “Of course they would.  My bad.  You guys are brilliant.”

Lady Gay-Gay.

It’s officially our last night in Portland, and Faith and Ari treated us to a fabulous home cooked meal.  It was definitely a much needed break from packing, and we had a great time with our wonderful friends!

The following is the conversation that I had with Rea as we were walking from our parking spot to Faith and Ari’s apartment:

Rea:  “I’m so excited to see Faith and Ari!  We haven’t seen them since we’ve gotten engaged.”

Me:  “I know, me too!!  Plus, we’re not just engaged…we’re engaged with a Y.”

Rea:  “Um…not sure I follow what you’re sayin’…”

Me:  “You know…like en-GAY-ged.  Engaged with a Y.”

Rea:  “That just doesn’t even make any sense.”

Me:  “You’re only jealous that you didn’t think of it first.”

Rea:  “Yeah. That must be it.”

Me:  “My dad thought that Lady Gaga was called Lady Gay-Gay.”

Rea:  “That was my nickname when I was growing up.”

Me:  “Lady Gay-Gay was your nickname?”

Rea:  “No, just Gay-Gay because my middle name is Gay.”

Me:  “Well that explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

Rea:  “My Mama always told me that she thought that Gay was such a perfect middle name for me because I’m such a happy girl, and she thinks it’s a shame that the kids at school had to make it seem dirty.”

Me:  “School kids sure get a bad wrap, don’t they? I mean, what did your Mom expect when she named you Gay?”

Rea:  “I guess she just thought that people would think that I was a happy kid.”

Me:  “Oh, you’re HAPPY all right!”

Rea:   “See? You just had to go and make it seem dirty!”


IMG_0191Today is our Friday so Rea and I were finally able to relax and watch the Survivor Finale this afternoon. Of course after watching beautiful, skinny, half-naked people starve in the jungle for 2 hours, we were incredibly hungry.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Popcorn. Not the microwave crap but the good kind with the air popper thingy.”

“Okay that sounds easy enough.”

“I feel like we should like, actually go out and do something though, since it’s our day off…”

“We could go to Fred Meyer and buy a big, plastic popcorn bowl so we don’t have to eat out of a paper bag tonight.”

“Great idea! Then we could get beer too.”

“See? And you were worried that we wouldn’t accomplish anything today.”

“Boy was I wrong!”

Cannon Beach.

IMG_0604IMG_0606Day 2 – Cannon Beach!

a)  At 7am I made Rea get up so that we could go hunt for sand dollars on the beach.

Me:  “Hey, I found a sand dollar!  Wait…there’s something wrong with this thing.  Does it look hairy to you?”

Rea picked up the sand dollar:  “Yeah, it does look hairy.  Weird!”

IMG_0583IMG_0618Me:  “Well I don’t want an ugly, hairy sand dollar.  Look there’s another one!  Never mind, it’s hairy looking too.  Jeez, there sure are a lot of hairy sand dollars around here.  Even the seagulls don’t want to peck their guts out.  It’s like they know that there’s something wrong with them.  Do you think it’s a sand dollar pandemic or something like, because of global warming?”

Rea:  “Maybe we should Google it.”

Oh the wonders of using Google on your iPhone at any given time.  Turns out that what looks like “hair” is actually the sand dollar’s millions of microscopic tentacles that work as their feet.  If these tentacles are still visible and if the sand dollar is purplish in color then that means that the sand dollar is still alive.

Me:  “Omg Rea…these sand dollars are ALIVE!  And we’ve been TOUCHING them!”

Rea:  “So?  It’s not like they’re going to attack us or anything.”

Me:  “Yeah, but still.  It’s gross.  Do you think we should try to save them or something?”

Rea:  “You can go ahead and give them mouth to mouth if you want to but I’m going to keep going on with my life as though they were all dead in the first place.”

b)  Apparently it was an unofficial “Bring Your Dog to Cannon Beach Day”.  We saw pretty much every breed of dog that you could think of, which gave Nash a fantastic variety of butt sniffs, and we got tons of compliments about what a sweet, polite and handsome dog Nashy is.  (Thankfully he didn’t pee on any humans, pets or sand castles while these compliments were being given.)  I’m not trying to brag or anything, but if Cannon Beach held a puppy Prom today, Nash would definitely have been crowned Prom Queen.  (Have I mentioned that Nash is gay?)

c)  Bacon Maple Saltwater Taffy, Seahorses and Leopard Print Birkenstocks.

d)  “That dumb car is actually taking the time to HONK at seagulls!  I mean, really?? Just speed up and the seagull problem will take care of itself!” – Rea

e)  “I’m not saying that you’re a bad driver.  I’m just saying that there is a reason that there are dead deer in people’s driveways.”

f)  Me:  “I don’t wanna go home!  Can’t we just live here?”  Rea:  “Once we become independently wealthy; yes.”  Me:  “Who can even afford to live here year long anyway?”  Rea:  “Apparently old ladies who work at Eddie Bauer who don’t know how to use a cash register, and teenagers who work at McDonald’s who don’t know that when customers order a #4 it means that yes, they DO want that in a combo meal.”