I was just getting my haircut at JC Penney, and there was a 10 year old boy getting his hair cut in the station next to me. He had the shaggy summer look going, and his mom was trying to explain to the stylist how she wanted his hair to be cut and styled. The boy’s Mom said, “I just want him to look more Asian, you know…?”
The boy looked at his mom in the mirror and said, “What does that mean?”
Kid’s Mom: “Just a minute, I’m talking to this nice lady here…”
The kid was quiet for a second and then he looked kind of panicked: “But Mom! What do you mean ‘look more Asian’. What does that even mean??”
The kid’s mom and the hairstylist continued chatting and ignored him. The kid sat back in his chair and shrugged his shoulders.
He made eye contact with me briefly and he said, “I guess it means that I’m going to look more awesome.”
I smiled at him and said, “That’s exactly what it means.”
He grinned: “That’s what I thought!”
Me: “Hi Mom, how are you doing?”
Mom: “I’m at the Muckleshoot Casino with Cousin Debbie for the Pow-Wow. What’d you want?”
Me: “Oh yeah? Are you having a good time?”
Mom: “Yeah, but right now I’m in a Honey Bucket.”
Me: “Oh god Mom, why’d you answer your phone in a Honey Bucket?”
Mom: “Well why wouldn’t I?”
Me: “Cuz you could drop your phone in there for one thing…”
Mom: (muffled)…”Oh No! Oh god…Oh SHIT!!”
Me: “Mom are you okay? Mom!! What happened?”
Mom: (still muffled)…”Just a second…I just dropped my phone…”
Me: “Oh god that’s so nasty!!”
Mom: (shuffle shuffle click) “K I’m back. What were we talking about?”
Me: (laughing) “Oh i was just saying that you shouldn’t answer your phone in a Honey Bucket because you could accidentally drop it in there…”
Mom cracked up: “At least it was just on the floor. I’ll clean it with a baby wipe.”
Me: “Gross, Mom! I think you should probably boil it for 45 minutes in Lysol before you put it near your face again.”
Mom: “It’s by my face now. It’s not like I’m going to lick it or something!”
Me: “Well on that note…I’m just gonna let you go so you can focus on your Honey Bucket business.”
Mom: “K bye.”
Me: “Have fun at the Pow Wow and no more answering your phone in the Honey Bucket!”
Mom: “K bye.”
While I’m glad that I have a friendly enough face that strangers like to ask me for directions, the time, “please watch my bag for me”, etc, when a little girl came out of the bathroom of the train yesterday with her pants down around her ankles to ask me if I would help her to wipe her bottom, I found myself in an awkward situation. Thankfully her Mom was standing nearby and hopefully she used the opportunity to remind her child not to speak to strangers. And especially don’t talk to strangers when you have your pants down around your ankles…
Thank you for having a baby with Dave Button even though your family thought you’d lost your mind and now I will have to endure this question for the rest of my life: “Hey, are you related to Dave Button?” (Just kidding Dad!)
Thank you for being on bed rest for the last 4 months of your pregnancy so that you wouldn’t lose me, and for still loving me even though you had to do your business in a bed pan.
Thank you for always reminding me that I was your largest baby and therefore the most painful to birth.
Thank you for cracking me up all the time.
Thank you for making the best pies known to mankind.
Thank you for giving me such great writing material for my blog.
Thank you for being the most beautiful, sweet, loving, gentle and kind person on the entire planet.
Most of all, thank you for being the best mom in the whole world!
Mom: “What thing?”
Me: “It was a picture of Jesus, but it looked just like Kenny Loggins…”
Mom: “Well, I saw that you posted a picture of Jesus, but I didn’t know about the Kenny Loggins part. I just thought that you were making fun of Jesus and I was worried that maybe I didn’t raise you right…”
I called my Mom yesterday to have a chat. She answered my call, but apparently she was at the library because she whispered through the whole conversation.
Me: “Hi Mom. What are you up to?”
Mom: “I’m at the library.”
Mom: “I’m at the library so I have to be quiet.”
Me: “So why did you answer your phone if you’re at the library?”
Mom: “Cuz I know that you hate it when I don’t answer my phone.”
Me: “Well yeah, that’s true. What the heck are you doing at the library anyway? You never go there!”
Mom: “I’m renting books, what do you think?”
Me: “Well jeez Mom! You don’t have to get snippy.”
Me: “Mom, what the heck? Did you just shush me? I’m not the one at the library!”
Mom: “Shhhhh. I’ve gotta go.”
Me: “Okay, nice chattin’ with ya…”
Mom: “Yeah shhhh gotta go.”
Me: “Stop shushing me!”
Mom: “Love you.”
Me: “Love you too, Mom. And will you PLEASE stop being so LOUD?!”
Well, at least she answered her phone I guess?