Meet Our Modern Family.

963831_10151761807844788_1515427921_oMEET OUR MODERN FAMILY…

THE BOYS –

Wyatt:  “Hi, I’m Wyatt.  I enjoy eating, and laying around, and eating, and licking myself in the middle of the room where everyone has to watch, and eating, and I have a girlfriend who lives across the street who is a real fox.  I DO NOT ENJOY HAVING MY PICTURE TAKEN.  I carry around a few extra pounds, but that just means that there is more of me to love.  My fur is silky and luxurious, but it’s not fun to cough out after I’ve been licking myself in the middle of the room in front of everyone.  My mom is slightly allergic to me and so I try to get as much fur and dander on her bed as possible, you know, just for the fun of it.  Sometimes I get locked out of the house at night, but it’s no big deal because I can just jump through Whitney and Rea’s downstairs bedroom window and meow my head off until one or both of them wake up and scream their heads off because they think I’m a giant raccoon sitting in their windowsill; that’s pretty hilarious!  I particularly enjoy pooping in the bathtub.  But most of all…I enjoy eating.”

Caleb:  “Hi, I’m Caleb!  I’m the youngest person in the house, and I’m also the only male human.  For example; I have to share a bathroom with Rea and Whitney, and they put framed mermaid pictures on the walls, but I’m cool with it.  I love to play the Wii, and Wii Fit, and jump on the trampoline, and play badminton, and hang out with my millions of adoring friends, and drive my sister crazy.  I have awesome hair that spikes up every which direction with hardly any effort.  My swimming shirt and swim trunks are my absolute favorite outfit.  I hate cheese.  Well, actually I only hate melted cheese.  I love pizza as long as it doesn’t have any melted cheese on it, but it works out really well since my Mom and Rea and Whitney ONLY eat the toppings (Low Carb Diet for R and W + Mom is Gluten-Free) so that leaves me with the sauce and crust and a few stray pepperonis, which is AWESOME!  If I could live at the Great Wolf Lodge, I totally would.  I’m going to play soccer this year at school and I’m pretty excited about that.  I’m handsome and smart and extremely loveable, but that really goes without saying…”

Nash:  My name is Nash and I have two Mums.  I speak with a British accent.  I eat twice a day, and I poop 5 times a day; me Mums can never figure out the Mathematics on that one.  I’m a lover, not a fighter, but for some reason all of the other members of my species hate me and they want to kill me whenever I’m just being friendly and trying to sniff their butts.  They tell me it’s because I’m too happy all of the time and I annoy them, but I can’t help it that I’m a ‘food-bowl-is-always-half-full’ kind of a bloke.  They also tell me that I sniff their butts too aggressively, but I don’t understand that because is there really another way to sniff a butt?  I love chasing things, and I can pretty much chase things from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, but my family gets tired of throwing things for me to chase after.  I have many toys, but I love sticks most of all.  My family thinks that I’m illiterate so they spell things around me all the time like, B-A-L-L or P-A-R-K or T-R-E-A-T, and I just pretend like I don’t know what they’re saying because I think that it’s good for them to practice their spelling.  As long as they feed me when they’re supposed to and pick up my poop, I’ll play along with their games.  Cheerio!”

THE GIRLS –

Hanna:  “Hello Everyone, I’m Hanna.  I am extremely beautiful and brilliant and everyone tells me all the time that I look EXACTLY like my Mom.  I’m currently working on a novel, and I try to write all the time, even while my brother, Caleb, is being loud and driving me crazy!  I am the only one who eats normal food in this house, although I do enjoy my cold cereal the most when I eat it from a giant wine glass.  I love to read and do art projects, and I have been told that I am quite an artist.  I recently drew a portrait of a mermaid, and when I showed it to my brother he said, ‘that’s really good Hanna, but why did you give her such a giant butt-crack…’  I explained to him that it wasn’t a butt-crack, but actually the line of her back, and he just shook his head and walked away because he can’t understand why girls like mermaids so much.  I love animals, and if I had my way I would have pretty much every animal in the world for a pet; at least the cute and furry ones.  The summer is almost over and I will be starting my final year of middle school.  I’ve been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up, and I think right now it’s a toss-up between famous novelist/famous artist or becoming the first female President of the United States.  Time will tell I guess…”

Rea:  “Hi y’all, I’m Rea (pronounced Ray).  My given name is Ramona, but I hate that name somethin’ fierce on account of all of the teasin’ that I got in school when them ‘Ramona Quimby‘ books came out.  I’m from Jackson, Mississippi, but y’all would never know it since ah don’t speak with any kind of accent at all.  I’m doing my Chaplain Residency this year at Harborview Medical Center, and so far it’s goin’ well.  I’m just finishin’ up my first week now, and I’m already gettin’ compliments from my supervisors who’ve told me that I’m doin’ a great job, so that’s encouragin’.  I’ve worked in ministry for most of my adult life, and ah have a big heart that just loves servin’ the Lord.  I’m pretty hilarious, and I have a good story about darn near any topic you could think of.   My fiance, Whitney, enjoys writin’ about me in her blogs, and I’m fine with that because she actually makes me seem even funnier than I actually am, and I didn’t think that was even possible!  It was actually my idea for all of us to rent a house together, and I didn’t even know Rose and the kids.  I just said to Whitney, ‘Rose is looking for a new place and we’re looking for a new place so…shouldn’t we just all look for a place together?’  We all agreed that it seemed like a good idea, and now here we are:  a real Modern Family.”

Rosemary:  “Hello everyone, I’m Rose.  I’m ridiculously beautiful and talented, and most people really want to hate me because of it, but they can’t even help but love me.  I have two kids who are just as ridiculously beautiful and talented as I am and I love them more than anything.  I’m a professional photographer, and I have my own studio in downtown Seattle.  My website is:  www.rosemaryphotography.com – I’ve photographed the President, and when I met him afterward I was all, ‘It’s an honor to meet you Mr. President, Sir…’ and he was all, ‘Just call me Barack.’  In my free time I’m working on saving the world through charities and such.  I’ve been friends with Whitney since about the 6th grade, and now we’ve decided that we’re really more like sisters.  In all of these years we’ve never run out of things to talk about, and if there is ever a lull in the conversation then I know that Whitney will just bring up something hilarious and embarrassing from the past, and that just always sparks a whole new discussion about human videos and championship leg wrestling, etc.  I’m working on being a strong, successful, independent woman and fabulous Mother, and I must say…it looks good on me.”

Whitney:  “You all know me already, so there isn’t much to say, other than I’m the one who ties our whole family together.  I mean…I don’t want to brag or anything but I’ve known Rose forever, and I’ve known Hanna and Caleb since they were born, and I’m Nash’s Mom, and Wyatt tolerates me because I feed him when he yells at me, and Rea is my fiance so…  There you have it.  Also, I’m a professional caregiver who takes care of an old couple that you may have heard a bit about…  Joe and Dot.  I’m still commuting to Portland via Amtrak so I’m sure that there will be many stories to share of my travels, and I’m still extremely clumsy and embarrassing so you know you’ll hear more about my daily life on this blog.  As it’s been quoted recently, ‘boy, embarrassing things sure do happen to Whitney all the time, and when it happens it’s so hilarious for the rest of us!’  Also, I really love our Modern Family.  I think we’re all pretty awesome.”

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One thought on “Meet Our Modern Family.

  1. I loved this! So nice to get to know more about you! It sounds like your living arrangement works out extremely well for all involved! I must be nice to always be surrounded by people that you love and that love you back! 🙂

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