Out of all of the public restrooms in the world that I would prefer to not ever have to visit again, Grocery Outlet is definitely at the top of the list. However, if an emergency situation were to arise and I was not left with a choice in the matter, I would just be happy that the Grocery Outlet actually had a public restroom (in the back of the storeroom, next to the janitor’s closet).
Such was the case this afternoon when Rea and I were doing some budget shopping, and I had to ask directions in order to find my way back to the dingiest, stinkiest bathroom with graffiti all over the walls and a portable urinal next to the sink that had not been emptied since God only knows when.
I distinctly recall locking the door with the dead bolt lock before getting started with my business, but that didn’t stop some crazy person from beating on the door.
Me: “Somebody’s in here!”
BAM BAM BAM!
Me: “I SAID SOMEBODY’S IN HERE!!”
At that point the crazy person actually started to slam their entire body weight against the door repeatedly, and I thought to myself, “Great, just great. I’m going to die today at the hands of some Crazy Person in the Grocery Outlet bathroom and the last thing I’m gonna see is a disease infested urinal…”
Me: “I SAID I WILL BE OUT IN A SECOND!!!”
Before I even finished my sentence, some crazy woman with ratty hair and cat eyes busted in the lock on the door and just stood there breathing heavily and staring at me.
I shielded my private parts as best as I could, and shouted, “GET OUT OF HERE!!”
Crazy Lady: “Oh sorry, I didn’t know it was occupied.”
Me: “Yeah, usually if you have to body slam a door while someone from inside the bathroom is yelling that they’ll be out in a minute then it’s probably occupied.”
She just stood there staring at me, and I was like, “Can you GIVE me a minute?”
Crazy Lady: “Oh yes, sorry. So sorry…”
By the time I got out of there and found Rea to tell her what happened I was all disheveled and felt totally violated. Of course after expressing her concern, Rea couldn’t help but laugh hysterically and say, “Why does this kind of stuff always happen to you??”