Mom, Rea and I were on our way to Walla Walla, WA for my oldest niece Claire’s graduation from Whitman College, and we stopped in Ellensburg for a bathroom break. When Rea asked if anyone needed anything else before we got back on the freeway my reply was, “I could go for an ice cream cone!”
Mom: “Ohhh yeahhh! I could go for an ice cream cone too… but I’d fart on you guys all the way to Walla Walla.”
Rea: “Yeah, how about we don’t get any ice cream…”
So we stopped at Baskin Robbins. Mom got so excited looking at all of the different flavors of ice cream and frozen yoghurt that she decided that she would take a chance on playing Russian Roulette with our nostrils by nixing the sorbet and eating some dairy instead. When she began to place her order, and it started with a scoop of mango frozen yoghurt in a waffle cone, I stopped her right there.
Mom: “I know, but the frozen yoghurt looks so good!”
Me: “The sorbet looks good too.”
Mom: “In other words, you want me to order the sorbet.”
Me: “For the sake of all that is holy…YES!”
Mom looked at the Ice Cream Scooper Girl and said, “See what I have to put up with? She’s so bossy!” Of course the Ice Cream Scooper Girl gave me a look that said: “How can you be so cruel to your poor, poor Mother?!”
I fought back by announcing to all of the employees at Baskin Robbins that “I have good reason to say no in this situation.” That didn’t seem to help with their looks of disgust.
When we got back in the car I said, “Thanks Mom, for making all of those people think that I’m the Devil!”
Me: “Well…I didn’t want Rea and I to be stuck in a hot car with you and your frozen yoghurt farts for the rest of the day!”
Rea: “I think that was a good call!”
Mom just sat in the back seat and pouted with her lemonade sorbet. I asked her if she’d forgive me if I let her have a lick of my mango frozen yoghurt and she said she’d think about it.
PRETTY MISERABLE SISTER.
Me: “They probably thought that you’d figure it out since you were the only one filling up your plate – TWICE!”
Mom: “Yeah, I thought about that but I still couldn’t control myself. I was getting weak.”
Me: “That would be a great excuse for your first plate of food. What’s your excuse for the second helping?”
Mom: “My plate looked lonely when it was empty…”
THE PERFECT GRADUATION PHOTO:
We asked Mom if she got a good picture of Claire receiving her diploma, since she’d been waiting by the stage for 20 minutes with her zoom lens on and everything, and she said, “I got the most amazing shot, you wouldn’t even believe how good it was, but then I realized that my camera wasn’t turned on…”