Portland, OR – March 23rd, 2013

483863_10151525289470862_219903672_nFavorite quotes from this weekend, in no particular order:

“Dude, where’s your car?”

“Nothing like taking a stumble right into the ‘Watch Your Step’ sign…”

Waitress: “We’re all out of Maker’s Mark.” Faith: “That’s okay, I like all different kinds of whiskeys.” Waitress: “Okay, well we have Jim Beam, Jack Daniels…” Faith: “I’ll take some Jim Beam!” Waitress smiles and walks away. Rose: “You must really like Jim Beam huh?” Faith: “Well, I’m not really sure…I just recognized the name and he sounds like a good guy, that Jimmy.”

“You know what we should do? We should take a Ouija Board to Kennedy School…” “Why? Kennedy School isn’t haunted…is it?!” “Are you kidding me? Have you looked at those framed old pictures that they have hanging all around the place? Those kids have crazy looking, soul-less eyes!” “Yeah, okay, let’s not…”

“Seriously Dude, where’s your car…?”

Rose: “What are you laughing at?” Faith: “I don’t even know anymore…” Rose: “I know why, it’s because you heard Whitney say something…” Faith: “Yeah, I’m not sure what she said, but I’m sure it was totally hilarious!” Me: “It was.”

“We’d better slow down. Remember, Whitney’s gimp leg.”

Me: “I can’t believe that you’re going to just wear that coat right now that you just bought at Buffalo Exchange. It hasn’t even been washed! Some old lady might have died in that coat…” Rose: “Shut up, nobody died in this coat.” Me: “How do you know? Have you smelled it?” Rose: “I don’t smell anything.” Me: “I’m afraid to even smell it. It might smell like death.” Rose: “SHUT UP!”

“What does your rental car even look like?” “It’s grey.” “Okay, it’s a grey car. What kind is it?” “I think it’s a Chrysler, but I’m not sure.” “Okay, so we’re looking for a grey, maybe Chrysler vehicle…How hard can it be?”

“You’re scaring me! I can’t even look at you anymore. I need you to walk away.”

“Look, you can hit the unlock button as many times as you want, but if it’s not working, then it’s probably not the right car. Oh look! It’s a Nissan…” “Yeah, but it’s grey!”

“Leave it to you to say something inappropriate and make people uncomfortable before you’ve even hung up your jacket.”

“Just wait here and I’ll go find the car!” “I’m not just going to wait here and let you go off and get mugged and stolen or something.” “I appreciate that, I really do, but how are you going to be any help to me whatsoever with your gimp leg…?” “My gimp leg won’t have any problem kicking YOUR ass.”

Jon: “How’s your blog coming along?” Me: “Well, not so great. I’m not sure what I really want to do with it…” Jon: “Okay, well I have a great idea for you to write about! Just hear me out: “There’s this kid who is a wizard but he doesn’t even know it, but then he finds out that he’s a wizard and he goes off to wizard school…” Me: “Nah, that sounds lame.”

“You know who’s awesome? Sally Platt.” “OH YEAH, oh my god, Sally Platt is the BEST!”

Maya: “We’re at the concert. Where are you guys?” Me: “I’m still at Faith’s party, but Rose is by the bar.” Maya: Okay, I’m going to need more details than that. I’m short, remember?”

“Someone’s had one whiskey too many…”

“Oh my God, your rental car isn’t even GREY!” “Yes it is!!” “No it’s not! It’s silver!!” “Well yeah, but silver is just a shade of grey.” “I may have to kill you.”

“Homeless guys seriously have the hots for me.” “Well you don’t have to go and brag about it!”

“How much would you charge me to rent your kids for the weekend and introduce you as my partner?”


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